The question:
Hello Christelyn,
I admire you for your work counseling black women and interracial couples! Thank you for your strength and passion! I thought I should write to ask your opinion on my situation.
I am a 25-year-old single black woman. I’d like to think that I’m beautiful, smart, articulate, and well educated. I have fallen very hard for a 34- year-old white man and, though I know that he likes me too, I wonder if anything will ever happen between us. We go to the same little church. He’s always very happy to see me when I walk in. We steal glances at each other throughout the service and it makes us both giddy! He’s kind, considerate, modest, gentle, tall, and handsome. Everything I’d ever wanted in a man! But there are a few problems:
– While we chat a little bit here and there, we’ve never been able to really engage in a good conversation. We only say hello before we have to stop because we’re both a little shy and embarrassed.
– I am afraid of approaching him for fear of being presumptuous. I know that he likes me – he seems to be very happy in my presence, just as I am in his – but I don’t know if he’s into black women for long-term relationships. I hate to admit this, but I feel a little less than ideal for him considering his status. I’m also afraid that he thinks I like him only for his accomplishments. He has an advanced degree in a STEM field, has just started working, and is earning a handsome amount as far as I can guess.
– Finally, he has a very close black male friend (now a mutual friend) to whom he is very loyal. When this friend is around, he pulls away from me. He almost completely ignores me, actually. It hurts a lot! The black man is desirable too, but he refuses to date black women (his last relationship was with a stunning white woman. He proposed to her within a few days of meeting her. She left him a few months ago, but he still brags about his ex-fiancée!). This black man also goes to the same church, so I can’t completely avoid him. And now that his fiancée left him, he (the black man) seems to give me a little more attention, as if he’s interested. It drives my crush away! So now I find myself stuck between these two men: the white man (whom I really like) who only stares but never says anything, and the black man (whom I dislike) whose presence seems to dampen things between me and the white man.
This has been going on for about six or so months now and it’s driving me crazy, even giving me sleepless nights! What can I do in this situation? Please help!
-Confused young lady
Here’s my take…
