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Question of the Week

QOTW: “Am I Wrong If I Choose to Never Date a Black Man Again?”

I just got this note from a fan of the blog and fan page:

I have a question for you Christelyn as well as the other group members who are doing the swirl. (I hope I spelled your name right. It’s such a pretty name. ) I am a black Latina who has been with my white boyfriend for almost 9 mos. today I was having a convo w/a friend as to what won me over, as this is the first IR I have been in since age 24 (I am now 38). 2 things that have really stood out to me. Black men (in my experience) like to use subliminally sexual terms when paying me a compliment. (Ex. Saying I look delicious, tasty, etc) or just making blatant remarks referring to the size of my rear end. Secondly, one of the main questions black men always asked me was when I was going to cook for him as if it was an expectation and not a privilege. I noticed my WM never did any of these things and to some this may seem trivial, but they were really important to me. I wonder am i the only BW that feels this way & feels like most BM have such a ridiculous sense of entitlement to the point that after my last relationship with a BM I chose never to date another one again? I also want to say thank you for your FB page and your blog. Getting back into swirling has changed my life and I couldn’t be happier.

Signed,

A BB&W Fan

———————
Dear BB&W Fan, I think what you might be experiencing is a difference in seduction culture and socialization. Black and Latin men are often more forward and suggestive in their come-ons. It often feels uncomfortable for women, as if a woman’s worth is based on her various body parts. White guys often have a different culture of seduction. BUT!! That doesn’t mean they won’t THINK you’re “juicy” or “tasty” but they’ll often keep that thinking to themselves. So why do SOME Black and/or Latin men do this? Honestly, because it still works for the majority of women they wish to seduce. If it stopped working, they would modify. The same behavior mimicked by a white guy is often cartoonish and unnatural– it’s just not how they are socialized. My advice to you? Go where you feel comfortable and respected.

Good luck,

Christelyn

Got a question? Hit me up at [email protected], and don’t forget to check out the trailer for the first multicultural dating series, “Swirlr” on www.Swirlr.tv

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog.

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