This question is asked and answered by our favorite over-the-pond co-author, Bobby Smith, who’s a lieutenant of the British interracial couple invasion. Bobby and his wife wrote One Love Two Colours: the unlikely marriage of a Punk Rocker & his African Queen, by Bobby Smith and Margaret Oshindele-Smith.

Sheesh. This is different. First a white girl’s insights cause us to pause and think about the systematic brainwashing and fear that keeps black women from swimming in a pool of rainbeau Kool-Aid, and THEN Bobby comes back to explain why some which guys cower at the thought of stepping to a black chick.

Take it away, Bobby!

Why don’t some white guys not approach black women?

A barbed subject for sure, and one that I can only speculate upon from my own experience. You may agree or disagree with my opinions; I have only written this to give the view from the ‘other side of the hill’. The hill, in this case, is a white guy who lives in England so perhaps the American experience is different?

If you are a white guy who finds two women equally attractive in intelligence, personality and looks, with one being white and the other black, I would imagine the white lady would be the one asked out first. Not due to some stupid bigotry of wanting keep a race ‘pure’ or because black women are not seen as good looking as white women. No, the reason could be that the man doing the approaching is scared of the public image of black women being used to enjoying a huge black penis, with his own, publicly ridiculed organ, being somewhat smaller than what she is used to. Therefore, rather than having a woman say to your face ‘is that all you have?’ or ‘are you a boy or a man?’ or even ‘I’m used to a hosepipe not a straw,’ the guy would steer clear and stick to what he knows best – the white woman.

Now, of course, given that racial imagery and stereotyping is sadly part of everyday life, I can only sympathise with all who have this burden put upon them – white men, for being ‘smaller’ than average, black men, who are stereotyped as sexual predators and black women for being seen as sexually ‘exotic’. All of these are stereotypes and ones that all of us have to get past to appreciate a person’s soul, heart and genuine humanity.

Another reason is that the black woman may not do ‘pink dick’ as I saw it referred to once on a low brow TV show – my wife had it on, I wanted to watch a documentary about brain surgery on another channel. Scared of being rejected purely for reasons of race, many white men would think ‘hell no, what is the point?’ I’ll stick to ‘my own’ – for ‘at least I will only be turned down for my appearance or character.’

Then there are the black women who are ‘political’ and will not date white men due to the legacy of slavery – for me the saddest excuse to give. Again, why would a white guy want to take all of this on board, on top of the usual relationship problems that exist the world over? The answer is that, in many cases, he won’t. He will approach the white woman who has never had to think about the legacy of the slave trade and how it influences people even today.

Given all of the above I honestly think it is a miracle that so many white men are open to dating black women. Sometimes it can seem more trouble than it is worth, as we all want a quiet life.

That is why I think websites like Beyond Black and White do a very good service to the community at large – by letting people discuss such issues and stereotypes, so that we can break down the barriers between the races – to show that we are largely concerned with the same issues in life. The problem is that people who are tolerant of such relationships tend to be, perhaps, too tolerant of other people who object to them – we hide from getting involved in debate and concentrate on our own relationships/marriages, rather than actively combat those who preach against them. Personally I think that those of us in such liaisons need to be more aggressive in our encouragement of them – not that we are anti those who seek same race relationships, but that we want people to stress the benefits of interracial marriage more – such as the swapping of cultures and learning from each other.

That way, eventually, more white men and black women would ‘get with the swirl’ as you seem to say over there.

Bobby Smith – married to a black woman and proud of it!