I received this note from “J,” a young man living in England who is interested in black women, but it unsure how to approach them. After you read this, you have to wonder how critics of “Swirling” say the book is “unnecessary. If these people read this note and STILL cling to that ridiculous criticism, then they’re as dumb as a box of rocks, nuts, and bolts.

Hi Christelyn here my questions. I would like to start by saying that I hope none of what I say is taken in a derogatory way. It is all meant with the utmost honesty and respect. Its just coming from a different culture back ground things can be different and also views of other cultures can be different but not always accurate. I feel I also need to point out that I have never actually been out or slept with a black woman before, I’m not sure why but I would say mainly because its just never happened rather then any particular reason. My family ( mom dad bro) would not have any problem with it. First off what would be a good way of meeting black women and also a good way to approach them? What about looks and style? I’m 6ft 1 but I’m quite slim I want to train and gain more muscle and size would that be a plus in the eyes of a woman? Also what about personality? I’m quite shy and that is something i want to work on for myself not just for relationship wise.

Now on a more serious note, my main question is, and this can be interpreted the wrong way, but I hope you don’t …. so here goes ….. Can a black woman really love a white man???? and not feel she as lost out somewhere? I ask this be cause where I come from in England which is not a very good area, that is some times a feeling I get from just on the grape vine and also from tv and reading. I feel it is a unwritten rule that black men and white women can date but not WM and BW and sometimes the black men and white women who date inter racially are the ones with the problem and don’t like it when they see it the other way round. Where I come from as well there are a lot of single white women with babies including white black Asian and exct babies. That is something I don’t want I’ve never wanted to be a single parent with kids by how many women. I suppose I’m a bit of a old style romantic and believe in true love that is why I have asked the question. I want my relationship to be mainly about true love and great sex and friendship will come with that.

This is were I don’t want you to take what I say the wrong way, and I know culture as a whole is different in England to USA. But from what I see where I come from a lot of black relationships are more about attitude rather then love but I suppose I’m seeing it more from the male point rather then the women’s. I have a lot of black male friends but not many women friends full stop. Also most the interracial relationships round by my which are mainly BM WW really aren’t what I want they are not in my opinion good healthy relationships for reasons you can probably guess why. I feel like I’m going on a bit of a racist rant here but I’m not I just want you to understand my concerns. these are some of the reasons why I am interested in black women. apart from the fact I have always found them attractive, I love the thick curvy body, big bums, lips and dark eyes. I also am really attracted to the fact they seem to have a lot of self respect, back bone and will not let any gangster rapper wannabe walk over them.

But like I’ve asked I would want to feel true love like I’m her number one and that she is full happy in the relationship.

Thanks for your help hope to hear from you soon.

Here’s my response to some of his questions:

FAIR NOTICE: I know lots of people will what to chime in on advice for “J,” but remember to keep it kind, cool, and classy. The purpose of me showcasing these questions is to facilitate a dialogue and give this community and opportunity to learn and grow from each other. That said, in overtly cruel comments and I’ll rip your e-tongues out, got it?