This post raises some important points and is certainly correct in its central assertion: that in the African American relationship market, men have too much power and women have too little. This power imbalance disadvantages women in myriad ways and contributes to a discord that ultimately makes African American relationships more difficult to form and sustain.

In talking to people about my book, Is Marriage for White People? I have been struck by how vehemently some black men oppose black women’s efforts to expand their options to include men of other races. Black men marry across racial lines more than twice as frequently as black women, and Asian Americans and Latinos marry outside the group more than three times as frequently as black women. All this while black women confront the smallest pool of viable partners within their group. Yet some suggest that black women should…wait for a black man, put their life on hold, or put up with relationships problems that would never wish for one’s own daughter. I try to understand this, but frankly it puzzles me. Women may regard black men as brothers, but those brothers don’t love them as sisters.

— Ralph Richard Banks

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