Written by Penelope Farthing
There has been much chat about the sexual practices and beliefs of some celebrity black men of late. Malik Yoba has been catching heat in recent weeks for being attracted to trans women. Tank said last week that just because a guy sucks dick once or twice doesn’t make him gay. I am not shaming their sexual practices, and in fact, I agree with Tank. If a guy takes fancy to fellatio for a fabulous phallus, while also putting his penis in the most pulchritudinous of poonanis, what does that make him? Bisexual/pansexual.
Don’t get me wrong. I recognize the unique struggles that queer black men face in the community. The black community is so homophobic, in fact, that some black men think it is gay to even wash their ass. Maybe skid marks in drawers is a sign of peak heterosexuality and masculinity, I don’t know. What I do know, is that it’s a tough situation to navigate and I understand their plight…but not at the expense of my own.
This then begs the question, should black women entertain bisexual men in their range of dating options?
First, let me say that I personally believe (only speaking for myself here) that if a man is attracted to a biological, XY-male, they are not heterosexual. Love who you love, but also, notify any future partners, too.
With that out of the way, including bisexual or pansexual men in your dating pool is a risk. Men who have sex with men continue to be the highest population of contracting new HIV infections, and straight black women lead the pack in the female demographic. Black women are not getting infected off public toilets, so it’s coming from somewhere. Take that as you will.
Am I saying bisexual men are these disease-carrying beings who will give you something incurable? Not at all. However, discernment is increasingly important in today’s sexual marketplace, so weighing up risks and options with anybody who visits your lady garden should be key. Reduce the risk of becoming infected by any means possible.
There are many things at play here. Most black women deal exclusively with black men. However, homophobia still runs rampant in the community, and because of that, a gay black man may feel that he needs to keep up appearances by getting with a woman, while getting a little schlong on the side. While it’s not fair that queer black men can’t live their life, it’s also not fair to unwitting black women who find out about their partner’s preferences after a test comes back positive. Mind you, all black women who enter a sexual relationship with anyone should be getting tested beforehand anyway: ultimately no one cares more about your sexual health than you.
And, as women are the “receiving” partner, meaning it is easier to get infected in the first place, as there is a level of risk biologically imparted upon us. With those factors in play, it is very important to be extremely judicious with your future partner.
I saw a gay man weighing in on a conversation about women denying access to men who have sex with men. This really intrigued me, because, being gay, one would think that he has no interest in the penis acceptance practices of vaginas at all. It just goes to show, men will be angry when their collective dicks are denied access, even if they themselves aren’t interested. Don’t ever let someone shame you for choosing to deny someone for any goddamn reason you feel like, especially when your health could hang in the balance.
Another interesting reaction I witnessed were women, in particular, black women, calling other women who would not entertain a bisexual man biphobic. As an aside, I hope the -phobic suffix gets left in 2019 because disagreeing with something is not whateverphobic. They were going hard in the paint, attacking the person rather than their argument. If a woman decides to reject a bisexual man due to any of the reasons above, that’s her decision. Rejecting a man for something he can’t change (his orientation) which happens to be a dealbreaker for her, is well within her right. People get rejected for all kinds of reasons all the time, and while the situation is not quite the same, I don’t see people getting called baldphobic or brokephobic or the like for not wanting to date bald or broke dudes.
If women are so concerned about the diminished snatch-supply for bisexual men, perhaps they can offer themselves instead.
I know that this will get me called all sorts of phobic, but that’s simply not the case. With all the challenges that face black women on the dating marketplace, discernment is key. The first law of nature is self-preservation, and the slogan for self-preservation is a simple “No.” Therefore I believe that black women should keep their options open, but keep bisexual/pansexual men out the running.
What do you think? Keep it civil in the comments.