Everything your mother didn't have time to tell you because she was too busy struggling!
The Black blogospere is up in arms again because someone outside of the “black collective” has the nerve to comment on our abysmal 80% out-of-wedlock rate. It seems that no one will ever be “qualified” enough–not black enough, no “down” enough, not poor enough, pure enough, sympathetic enough, whatever enough–to just come out and call a spade a spade. The latest commenter on the OOW problem, Bill O’Reilly, is striking up ire for saying this:
Conservative media’s current favorite brand of crock Bill O’Reilly is continuing on with his uninformed and highly disingenuous rant about the plight of the Black community — purportedly spurred by all the single ladies (“all the single ladies”) raising children.
After President Barack Obama’s remarks about Trayvon Martin, O’Reilly became “enraged,” because the speech, according to him, didn’t address the “real” problems facing Blacks.
O’Reilly, in all his pedantic glory, explained:
“The reason is the collapse of the traditional African-American family unit; 50 years ago when Blacks had it much worse than they had it now, 25 percent of Black babies were born out of wedlock. Today, the number is close to 75 percent.
That is catastrophic.
But the civil rights industry and the White power fracture basically ignore the problem. They also ignore the entertainment industry putting out vile products aimed at young people, some of whom incorporate the gangster culture in to their own lives.”
He continued,
“White people don’t force Black people to have babies out of wedlock. That’s a personal decision. A decision that has devastated millions of children and led to disaster, both socially and economically.”
I’ll admit tagging on the out-of-wedlock rate to the Trayvon Martin tragedy is incongruent, considering Trayvon HAD a father and mother actively engaged and involved in his life, whether married or not. And in all honesty, O’Reilly doesn’t actually mention single mothers, but nice try, NewsOne and Bossip. HOWEVER, there’s really never gonna be a good time for ANYONE to EVER speak on this issue because frankly, black folks never want to be told their poo-poo stinks. Well news flash! The stink is so fetid and pungent folks outside of the community are beginning to speak out, and really not giving a phuck whether we’re offended or not. And now that the OOW rate is creeping up more and more with whites, the alarm bells are about to ring full tilt.
Three years ago when I spearheaded No Wedding No Womb (NWNW) I was dragged through the coals for saying the obvious: it is both the responsibility to men and women to commit to raising a child, and refrain from doing so until mentally, financially and emotionally prepared. It was common sense, but it got people mouth-foaming mad, because how dare I? Married to a white man, talking about “black issues.” Never mind the my first child was the product of a non-marriage with a black man, and I was both a single mother AND welfare recipient. YET, I wasn’t “qualified.” I was too mean, too unsympathetic. I didn’t have the right delivery, which is just code for not coddling enough. People wanted me to say, “Kids raised by both parents is beautiful, like fuzzy bunnies and Indian summers!” PFFFFT! No.
Well I got news for you. You think I was being mean in 2010? Just get ready, because the right wing is making the black out-of-wedlock problem it’s next Bogey Man a la “1980’s Welfare Queen” style. Black women are considered “safe” to kick around, are they not?
But here’s where they will get it wrong: If they focus on black women, who have little power to make men be men and actually STAY and do what they are SUPPOSED to do, then nothing will change. I believe in my heart that every girl and woman faced with an out-of-wedlock pregnancy WANTS the father to be present, whether she made a dumb-assed choice in the guy or not. Females are conditioned to desire a nest of safety for themselves and their children. But don’t think you’re getting off that easily, ladies. It’s time to reclaim our worth and our wombs. That means utilizing the 20 forms of birth control to prevent a pregnancy. It also means that black women STOP feeling unworthy and hopeless about finding partners who will provide and protect and produce, and STOP limiting themselves to dating and mating with black men exclusively because they think that’s what they are supposed to do.
“Author of Swirling. Advocate for black women finding love across color lines. Creator of The Pink Pill.”
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