Good black men have an image problem, and frankly, as a former PR professional, I have to say they SUCK A BIG ONE controlling their obnoxious, undereducated and disrespectful doppelgängers.

Kinda like the Tea Party folks, who SWEAR they decry the racists SO attracted to their cause, all the while putting tacky wigs on all the skin heads and burying them in the back of the crowd.

There are not enough good black men, even if we climb every mountain, swim every sea, cross every valley, dig under every rock or climb through somebody’s bedroom window (especially that last one!)

Then, the Tea Party. They can rant and rave on less government, immigration and blah blah blah, but hiding those pesky pointy-hat wearers and Hitler enthusiasts is so lackadaisical that it’s just plain insulting to my limited but functionally adequate intelligence.

Here’s the similarity between the two: Both say the bad apples are the minority, and hey! we’ve all got it wrong. Ummmkay….

Will the 2.7 million GOOD black men please come out of hiding where? The Witness Protection Program, scouting out vacay destinations in Outer Syberia, or Strip Clubs, like Essence SWEARS on a stack of bibles you’re laying low in so all the single ladies can get a man already? Holla, damn ya’ll! Hooooollllaaaa!

Of course, I don’t ask this for my sake, but for her’s:

At first, I was ALL ON BOARD with this chick. BUT THEN, here’s where she loses me:

• She acknowledges that black men go over seas and test the waters of all races of women.
• She says that black men mostly pick Trailer Becky for a mate and treat them like queens.
• She acknowledges that black women are expected to “take what is given to them”
• She says, “you can’t really be free unless you have options”

However….

Wait for it…

Wait…

She would NEVER date outside her race. She calls the fabled good black men “Gods.” Yep, with a capital G. Anyone else see a problem with this? She’s elevated the puny, tiny, meager, paltry population of “good black man” to the divine. What. The. Hell. Can you say, walking, talking contradiction? Oh my God, with a dash of What the Fu%k.

This is PROBABLY a sucker’s bet, but how many of ya’ll think this woman has a man?

Lastly, if the Tea Party and Good Black Men want to retain my public relations services to reform their image, I charge $3,786.098.02 per hour, with a kabillion-dollar deposit.

‘Tis all.