As I watched the breaking news report about a Riverside, CA couple at the center of a murder-suicide that left a teacher and eight-year-old dead, a Facebook friend of mine sent me a video of 50 Cent punching a woman in the audience. Feeling a bit abashed (or more likely worried about a lawsuit), invited her on stage to twerk for him and his buddies. After the punch, she happily obliged.

Now we can call this woman a fool for not protesting her mistreatment and carrying on as if nothing happened, but the fact of the matter is, black women and girls endure this every.single.day. Getting verbally and emotionally assaulted is a regular Tuesday for them. And that’s why, although terrible, no one is really that surprised anymore that so many black women are abused in this way.

In an article published April 11 on NBC News:

African-American women only make up about 13 percent of U.S. women, but comprise about half of female homicide victims — the majority of whom were killed by current or former boyfriends or husbands.

According to Justice Bureau statistics, African-American women are victimized by domestic violence at rates about 35 percent higher than white women.

“Black women are really impacted around violence as a whole, where we’re talking about domestic violence, trafficking, or sexual violence,” said Turner-Allen. “The numbers skew very high.”

Karen Allen, the victim of the murder suicide, has a surprising tie to Tim Alexander, the film maker of Diary of a Mad Black Man and one-time producer of Tommy Sotomayor’s yet-to-be released Fatherless America boondoggle. Rumors have it that duo split after Sotomayor came home early from a trip to find his girlfriend performing a sexual act on Tim.

I suppose Mr. Alexander has learned the error of his ways and has once again remarried and present himself to be a lot less antagonistic against black women and advocates “Christ-centered” relationship coaching. Oh…did we mention that Cedric Anderson, the “sanctified” killer of his innocent wife, officiated over Tim’s second marriage. Uhmm….kay.

In full disclosure, I worked with Tim Alexander briefly in 2010 for No Wedding No Womb, and I deeply regret doing so. The depths of this man’s misogyny could fill a black hole.

Black Women Often IGNORE Previous Bad Acts, and Pray for the Best

Take a look at Cedric Anderson’s criminal history:

Police Chief Jarrod Burguan said Cedric Anderson had a criminal history, including arrests for domestic violence, theft, and weapons charges, but was never convicted. Burguan said he was not able to provide specifics about those cases. He said the criminal history preceded his relationship with Karen Smith.

Anderson was arrested in Los Angeles County in 2013 and charged with brandishing a weapon, assault and battery and disturbing the peace, court records show. The case was dismissed in 2014. Further details about the incident that led to the charges and why the case was not prosecuted were not immediately available.

He was also arrested in 1993 in Kern County, California, on charges of battery with serious bodily injury and battery on a person, but that case was also dismissed. [SOURCE]

Listen, ladies. It costs $20 to get a background check on a potential romantic partner. Unless there’s an arrest for protesting crimes against innocents, ANY crime or arrest should disqualify a potential mate–especially arrests related to domestic violence and assaults. Hell–if the onus is on black women to “choose better” and we are often blamed for the failings in a relationship and even our own assaults and murders, we simply can’t afford to give men like this of any race that kind of benefit of the doubt.

It’s unfortunate that the black community (with the blessing of the black church) reinforces the notion that black women should forgive and give multiple chances to men who are unworthy. Many times, if a woman goes to a pastor for help, they discourage any legal action be taken. This revolving door of sanctioned abuse against black women must stop, but it HAS to start with US. It’s time for a reeducation of what black women SHOULD expect from loving partners. Punching, beating, emotional and physical abuse is NOT love.

Part of the mission of our anti-defamation organization is to teach black women about healthy relationships and prioritizing their emotional and personal safety. Black women were put on earth for more than to just endure. We are put here to THRIVE. Click here to find out how you can help.