A very strange and angry black man called Sergeant Willie Pete is enraged by me. He’s enraged because he took a comment I said in a You Tube video in which I was very honest and said that I really didn’t embrace my beauty until it was validated from external sources–yes; I didn’t think I was attractive because my whole life I was told that no matter my features, I was ugly because I was dark. THAT IS A FACT. THIS HAPPENED. The truth about colorism is, for many blacks, the darker you are, the uglier you are. So in the Sergeant’s mind, my “swirling advocacy” is an “ugly girl’s argument.” I only swirled in the first place because no black man was checking for me. The comment is executed with such a strange puffery and pride, as if to say, this black woman didn’t meet our standard–she wasn’t elevated because she didn’t deserve it. She’s too dark to be the prize. And you know what? He’s right. For all those new to this blog, this is what I look like.
Like I said, Sergeant Willie Pete is right, because many black men thought that I was either too dark (thus too ugly) to bring home, but I was good enough to use and impregnate. I was “ugly” to many black men because I am not light-skinned. And you know what? The majority of black women are my color and darker. So what does that mean? I’ll let you draw your own conclusions. (Note: For those of you who think you know my life, understand that this was not the case with my oldest daughter’s father, who doesn’t and never had a color complex. He simply was a man who looked very good on paper. He was and remains a loving father to his child.) But bringing that touchy subject up reminds me that when I was younger, I thought I had only three choices:
Since marrying a white man, many black men (and surprisingly, some black women) smugly say that one look at me, and they just know why I advocate swirling. Apparently to these people I’m a mud duck.
So this “mud duck” went elsewhere to find a community of people who would love her, celebrate her and support her. I’m a sellout of the worst kind. Oh. And Tommy Sotomayor thinks I look like a horse. Excuse me while I go chew some hay. I laugh to myself how these “men” who degrade and deride us are then outraged when we leave. We are not supposed to leave. We are to remain and accept our station. And my biggest crime? Well, that’s easy. I’m telling other black women who look like me that they have other options, and that they should go where their beauty is celebrated. Because apparently according to them, there is no problem. There is no colorism. The hatred of black women is imaginary.
But then, what about this? Are we imagining this too? 55 percent of light skinned black females had been married, but only 30 percent of those with medium skin shade and 23 percent of the dark skinned females had ever been married. [SOURCE] Want to see a summary of the thesis?
The inter-racial marriage gap that opened in the past 50 years is generally attributed to a decline in the availability of young black marriageable men. We contend that the associated shortage of desirable men in the marriage market provides those black men who are sought after with the opportunity to attain a high status spouse, which has placed a premium on having light skin shade. We provide evidence, based on data drawn from the Multi City Study of Urban Inequality, consistent with this hypothesis for young black women. Our theoretical analysis of the marriage market reveals that policies to increase the desire to marry on the part of young black women will enhance the importance attached to skin shade.
So YES; I WAS the black man’s cast off, and YES, Tommy Sotomayor and Sergeant Willie Pete are correct in that YES, black men didn’t want me, and that’s why I do what I do. BECAUSE I DON’T WANT WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE ME TO FEEL LIKE THEY DON’T DESERVE TO BE LOVED, MARRIED* AND RESPECTED. (*If they so choose) Men like this think that dark-skinned black women are here to be their personal harems and breeders, but feel it totally unnecessary to lend any respect, protection, love, or regard. It’s all in our heads, right? It is becoming more and more obvious that blacks have a serious color complex, and the dumb-shit comment, “You’re pretty for a dark girl” is getting some serious heat. Know something, dark-skinned black women. It is not all in your head. You are not wrong to flee those who hate you and gravitate to social circles in which you are accepted and celebrated. It is not a sin to love those who love and respect you. Question the motives of ANYONE who tells you otherwise. Now I’ll just go take my ugly self downstairs and have dinner with my loving family and in-laws while someone in cyberspace suffers from a head explosion. #peace