What will it take for some women to realize that some dudes just aren’t worth having? The comment section will routinely blow up during conversations revolving around Black women and their disappointment in having not been chosen by the males in their immediate social circle. I just watch the shenanigans and shake my head because it really pains me to see so many women feeling some type of way because they were overlooked by men who weren’t worth having in the first place.

Tyrese Gibson is not a vessel of knowledge, he’s known to say some mysogynistic and assbackward things on more than one occasion. Chalk it up to the fact that he’s a Capricorn, and sometimes, even though the payday is in the drug and not the cure for his willingness to drop this dime via his Instagram timeline.

How do I begin to explain to you all that you weren’t missing much of anything by having Black men overlook you? Sure, you’ve got a crush on some guy and maybe he wasn’t into you the way you had hoped but here’s a newsflash. You think you weren’t good enough but did it ever occur to you that THEY WEREN’T GOOD ENOUGH?

Instead of having broke butts/hurt feelings over not being the chosen one maybe you should count your lucky stars that you avoided a life of drama trauma.

Instead of harboring feelings of resentment, maybe have some empathy for Po ‘Tink Tink and his lot in life. I’ve already discussed the allure of weak ass men and how they’re traded like dime packs of baseball cards to clarify how complicated it is to ‘have’ a Black man. I date Black men, and though I may have my pick and choice of quality men that doesn’t mean they’re necessarily good enough for me.

No, Sir.

When it came to those of the opposite sex I didn’t think it proper or useful for me to finance the entire relationship until the end of time. Sure, things happen and whomever is bringing a paycheck in is the doing the damn thing, because things happen. When I would come across these guys and consider a future with them I would wonder to myself, ‘well, what happens to me when I can’t do it anymore?” What use is a man that can’t step up and be an adult in the situation? I’m going to share my food and money with you, as I would with any person in need, but taking on a ‘needy’ man wasn’t on my to-do list.

I’m the mother of one child, I surely didn’t need another mouth to feed. Dating a man who can’t take of himself is also very maternally dysfunctional; there is something both reverent and resentful about low class men who can’t make their own way with big boy pants on. These men also dislike having to depend on women for their resources and that brings in a barrage of other psychological issues.

I would ponder what in the world would make a  woman choose to get with a man that is incapable or unwilling to keep stable and RELEVANT employment? A job at McDonald’s was never good enough for me, even when I was a teenager.

I like money and nice things. I sleep well at night with my bills paid and at least three months of living expenses on reserve in the bank. I’m not interested in being the family savior, unless I must, I bought something to the table so why couldn’t he?

My having to stick my hand in my purse to pay my own way is something I can do all by my damn self, so what’s his purpose again? Besides, I can’t get the attention of a man better qualified to tend to my needs if I have a lowly one circling around my ankles like a lost puppy.

Oh, Hell No, shoo fly, don’t bother me.

But as I passed on the romantic potential of legions of men that I considered charity cases and there were other women who were more than willing to pay the cost to maintain these same men. There are more than enough women of different races, cultures and economic levels willing to be the breadwinner for certain men who can’t get right. Some of these men are great househusbands (I’m not throwing shade at you if you make this arrangement productive for your circumstances), but there are also plenty that only give as much as they can get until something better comes along.

They seek out lonely women.

They pour on the charm.

They make the panties drop and they put on a good show for the sole purpose of keeping you at their disposal because without your willingness to accept their nothingness they wouldn’t have a pot or a window.

These types of men are selling their sexual prowess to the highest bidder. So fret no more, because what you see is more an exercise of a certain demographic of men who are either willing or are forced through a lack of options to stand atop the slave block for indentured servitude rather than men who may have dismissed you due to your own inferiority. Love and acceptance isn’t part of the conversation, Gold Digging is a gender neutral sport, if you hadn’t heard.

Some women got plenty to offer a man besides companionship, love and encouragement.  And there are other women who make what they have to offer public knowledge. There were some women giving up the goods to keep their man in good care, he, in turn would share her stuff with me since I require some form of resources.

Don’t sue me, we all got needs, so if you want to finance his car and he allows me to drive it while you’re at work then we’re all playing our part on the food chain, aren’t we?

I’ve seen certain women keep a parade of attractive men in and out their lives. I’ve seen this, as they drive past me in luxury cars financed by her working two jobs, with him sitting in the passenger seat like an expensive Poodle.  Ridiculous isn’t even an appropriate word.

I’ve seen these women fight among each other at the bar after his side chick had the nerve to speak to him in public even though it’s common knowledge that he’s with the both of the woman. The side chick may have purchased his clothing for the event while his main chick paid so that he and all his hoes can celebrate the occasion.

I’ve seen and heard from men how they feel when it comes to what women should be doing for them or else they will find someone who will. My mouth would hit the floor, I would guffaw heartily and high five them because though I’m a female and they are male, I swear we’re all looking for the same thing.

It all sounds quite bitch-like and it dries my pannies up like a sand storm, but apparently other women like being exploited in the name of love. I think that’s the title to an R. Kelly song, as a matter of fact.

I’ve been courted by men that expected me to stay indoors and check in with him prior to me making each and every move. I’m not stupid, but some of my childhood friends were, it didn’t take long for me to realize the controlling nature of some of these partnerships was done so that he can do what he wants to do now that he’s done what he needs to do with her. I understood the ‘chosen’ one was relative to many variables and they had nothing to do with love. I stopped feeling bad if a man picked another woman over me once I became aware of just what went into maintaining some of those relationships. 

Talk to me stupid and see what you get, ain’t nothing new about TRJ. Men who attempted to run game on me quickly found that I don’t suffer fools and can’t stand liars. When I mentioned my school aspirations and inquired about their future hopes and plans and heard crickets, it wasn’t too hard to figure out that we weren’t on the same level.

Don’t be jealous of certain women with men at their side, these women are income opportunities to these men. Women who think they have not another hope or chance of being loved and cared for by a man will do everything in their power to avoid having to feel alone, though they are alone, just with someone sleeping in the bed with them.

These low standard women accept low standard men and together they create low standard lives.

These are women who expect to be used, abused and discarded. They listen to sad R&B songs that tell of being fixer up women and of loving men who don’t love them back, as they dance to the irony of such circumstances and drink to wash away their feelings of worthlessness. I’ve never been a fan of much R&B music, now that I think about it. I couldn’t relate to the lyrics.

These women keep men running hot and cold through their bedroom by doing acrobatic tricks and deeming themselve the freakiest freak of them all. What’s the point of doing so much work? Don’t all couples have sex…..?

Oh, yes, children. Don’t get me twisted, I’m a woman with a healthy appetite for men and I have my scandalous past but the secret to my method comes from men KNOWING that I do all things under the sun, and I do them well but just not for any old body.

I enthusiastically keep a house and will bust a split in the kitchen while making dinner just to remind you that I can. I do all of this, plus more, but my question is, and has always been, “what can you do for me?” and if the answer is ‘no much’ then we’ve nothing further here to discuss.

Nice intentions are like coming in second place, that shit just don’t cut it when it comes down to it. Giving a man a chance has never made sense to me. I shouldn’t have to give a man a chance, he should be capable of gaining my favor without needing to be graded on a sliding scale.

I’m demanding, but only to those men too lazy or shiftless or weak and distracted to rise to the occasion of my wants and needs. 

I’m spoiled, but only to the those men who want from me with nothing given in return. Any man not satisfying my needs is a man that I lose interest in relatively quickly.

I’ve had well meaning men who couldn’t do anything for me but offer me hard wood, but nails and hammers are in abundant supply out here so that’s no consolation.

I’ve been accused of being selfish and self centered by Black female friends who swore my focus on my own agenda was a type of moral offense when it came to picking and choosing men. I couldn’t figure out how they benefitted by putting themselves second, while he clearly did the same. I think certain men only treat you as important as you treat yourself.

I have standards. I have demands and I have options. I believe I can have what I want; I know there is someone out there who will give me what I want. If you tell me no, I continue on until I find someone who will tell me yes. Sometimes the price of admission isn’t worth the ride and dating is no different.

Men get no easy wins here, never have, never will and for my efforts I have had amazing relationships with pretty good dudes that provided for me and my child. I make no apologies for demanding men to be men. I have high standards, and I have expectations and those men who aren’t up to it know to bark up another tree. What monkey doesn’t love low hanging fruit? We can all have what we want, just not from each other, that’s a fact of life.

I’m not trying to say your pain isn’t real, but perspective is in demand for times when you get to beating up on yourself about who doesn’t want you. Instead of focusing on who didn’t chase behind you maybe its high time you realize that maybe you weren’t selling what they were looking to buy.

A sucker, that is.