Written by Nicole J.

I haven’t been following this Wendy Williams drama too closely. To be honest, I am not really a fan of hers as she comes off as shady to the point of cruelty. However, I don’t think she deserves this mess of a hand she’s been dealt from her dog of a husband and I hope she gets the help she needs. That said, this whole thing is a case study on why women should not marry below them, doubly so for black women.

It’s a common enough trend– a black woman makes it big and for whatever dumb reason she chooses to marry her employee (Mary J Blige and Tamar Braxton come to mind), rather than keep business and pleasure separate. No matter how you slice it, it’s still marrying down. If you find yourself in this situation, remember you, as the employer, might think you found love, but he found love too, the love of your money, that he was aware of before the marriage, and has access to after the marriage. And don’t start with the “women marry for money too!” Yes, because we live in a patriarchy and men wield the power, so that argument is moot.

Even when you’ve reached higher echelons of success, you still have to marry up, and you still have to vet men to make sure they are up to scratch.

My second point is that if he cheats, leave. I just cannot understand how people can take back a cheater. Yes, you love him dearly and have a forgiving heart. But does he? It is far more common for a woman to take back a man who has cheated than the opposite. Why is that?

There are so many issues with cheating – bringing back drama, diseases, or babies to the family home is unacceptable. Cheating is not a mistake, it is a choice made, and as the person who was cheated on, you have the right to leave. It’ll be difficult and painful, but if it happened once it can happen again. In this scenario, apparently Kevin has been (allegedly) a repeat offender, and now his (alleged) mistress just gave birth to his child, causing Wendy to end up in the hospital. Leave toxic men behind!

Don’t let any man jeopardize your health. With cheating, that obviously exposes you to lifelong diseases like herpes and HIV. But it can also cause stress, not to mention, in Wendy’s case, cause a relapse if alcohol or drugs were previously an issue. The point is, only entertain men who are good for you, not just because he is easy on the eyes and is a master pipe-layer, but ones that won’t lead you to an early grave.

Wendy recently announced that she has been staying in a sober house, which I am sure was very difficult to disclose. But she understood she had a problem and took measures to heal from it. Despite these efforts, she recently unfortunately she had a relapse because of the doings of her human-trash-heap husband, which leads me to my next point. Get treatment when you need it. If not for drugs and alcohol, then just seek therapy for your emotional healing. One really negative thing about the black community is the aversion to getting mental help. Thankfully this is slowly starting to be reconsidered, but not enough people are. Again, don’t let a man wreck you! You are the most important person to yourself.

These are the lessons I’ve taken from this whole situation. What about you guys? Sound off in the comments.