Recently, a much-discussed topic has been bubbling up about whether or not “men of means,” that is, successful and eligible, prefer women with straight hair, real or otherwise.

Relationship coaches and gurus are advising black women that they MUST wear long, straight weaves in order to elicit respect in elite circles, attention from high-value men, and respectful customer service at high-end shops.

Sigh…

I have been natural since I was 18…when I decided that relaxers were just too much damn money to maintain when I was struggling to pay the rent. I took the plunge into no-heat natural styles 15 years ago. Since then, I have published a book by an international publisher (Simon & Schuster), been featured on CNN (twice), become the international spokesperson for InterracialDatingCentral.com, and quite frankly, been the object of interest and desire of millions of non-black men interested in dating black women.

Do you really need to have this to be attractive to high-value men??!

I am also the wife of a man whose family lives in one of the richest counties in the country, with a father who is a superior court judge, and mother of an heiress to her father’s fortune. I have been to the country club, charity balls, fancy stores, and five-star resorts with my hair kinky and natural.

I say all that to say that my natural hair has never, EVER held me back from successfully mingling in the most elite circles.

whether it be with braids…

Or with all my kinky glory.

As the brand ambassador for a major online dating site, I can say with 100% confidence that the idea that the need for black women to conform our coils in order to meet and marry successful men is absurd. Now…if you’re trying to attract a certain “type” of colorist, texturist man who hates his own reflection, you might need to slap some bone straight yaki on. Everyone else? Notsomuch.

I interviewed several non-black men who are high-achieving, well-heeled, and date black women on this issue, and all of them basically said that if they wanted a woman with straight hair, they could and would do so. The kinks and coils are part of the appeal. One such man who lives in one of the wealthiest suburbs in San Diego with a net worth of about $2.2 million said this: “I find joy in my partner’s blackness. I want her to be proud of what she sees because I am. Swirling is amazing because we retain what we are. Don’t blur the swirl by trying to be something I’m not really into at all.”

Lucky lady!

I did a commentary on this for the first hour of this week’s On the Purple Chair. Check it out.

So ladies and gents, what say you about the straight vs. curly issue?