My husband knows I hate reality television. Like…ALL of it.It’s so far from real life–contrived conflicts and faux outrage. He watches some, which makes me give him the side eye at times. But he mostly keeps his viewership to Fast and Loud and Gold Rush.

When we saw a recent promo for Match Made in Heaven, the “black” version of The Bachelor, where you have mostly black women fighting and scheming to land themselves the ultimate IBM (Ideal Black Man), he said something quite perceptive. “Isn’t this show just a representation of what goes on with the community anyway? A bunch of really awesome, quality black women flipping and doing stripper splits to get the attention of a coveted black man?”

I blinked at him, mouth full of popcorn, and thought that this show might well be the first reality show that actually represents reality. As a man married to a black woman for 14 years, he’s been on the periphery of the the dating and mating dynamic endemic to the black community, and the unique dating challenges black women face because we outnumber marriageable black men by the millions in America. That dearth has lead to a certain willingness of black women to accept some behaviors that really should always be unacceptable: man sharing, polygamy, out-of-wedlock births, unprotected sex, wfiey tryouts lasting decades, I could go on and on.

Match Made in Heaven seems like more of the same nonsense, where black women are forced to bend to the whims of a man in order to be “worthy” of him as a prize, whatever that means. Stevie is the object of the women’s affection, and while he is undoubtedly handsome and successful, he knows what a rare commodity he is–at that will be why you’ll see the candidates abdicated all self respect in order to turn his head. Check out the promo video, narrated by Sherry Shepard, our favorite NBABM ex-morning TV host.

Did you hear that? “They’ll hold nothing back from fighting for their man.” That’s a dog whistle if I’ve ever heard one. Cue the wretchedness we’ll all be subjected to while Stevie ponders his decision of who to exploit pick. Oh, and then there’s his mama, his mama, his mama. No mention of a father, and I’m sorry but many of you know what that produces–spoiled, entitled beings who believe that women are put on this earth to service any and all their needs, who often have absolutely NO IDEA how to be good husbands and fathers because they’ve never seen it. This often puts black women in an untenable situation where potential mates expect them to be both mother and wife, with no inkling that they need to bring more to the table than a phallus as a paycheck, and sometimes not even that. The mothers are often culpable in perpetuating this nonsense in some sick compulsion to protect their precious sons. It’s an all around mess, and I’m sure America will have a big, fat, guffaw.

The producers will be sure to throw in a cat fight between a white woman and a black woman in competition for the black phallus.

What makes this show even more pathetic is that the host, Sherry Shepard who is embroiled in a bitter divorce with a man who looked good on paper in the black community, and now she’ll be strapped to him forever, paying child support to the surrogate child they had together and the court ordered her to acknowledge. Shepard is one of many pitiful, middle-aged black women on television who chase black men and ONLY black men because of some Cinderella-pie-in-the-sky dream that often leaves them wanting. It’s almost a joke really. Come on ladies! Look at the host of the show, the woman you will most likely become if you adhere to the nothing-but-a-black-man doctrine!!

Three guess on who WON’T be watching on May 19 when the show premieres.